I have to be honest. For weeks, I did miss you. I missed everything about you. I missed the way you could light up my day with a single phone call. I missed your laugh and the way you got excited when you talked about things that you are passionate about.
When you walked out of my life, I couldn’t stop crying. I knew things would never be the same. I already missed you. I was so afraid of the change that was to come. You were one of the biggest parts in my life and I couldn’t believe that I had to move on.
Then I realized something. I didn’t miss you, I missed our relationship. I missed our memories and that is what hurt me.
I missed the long car rides, doing everything together and having someone to confide in. I missed having someone I could count on, no matter what. I missed all the beautiful memories we made, the laughs that never ended and the comfort you provided.
Until you were gone I couldn’t see that I was losing myself. I forgot what it was like to be just me, not me with you. Although at the time it felt like the worst thing to happen to me, letting you go was the best thing I ever did. In letting go, I became the best version of myself.
There was a time when the memories stung, now I can smile when I think of them. You were a huge part of my life at one point, and I thank you for being that for me. You gave me the ability to realize what I truly deserve and taught me the importance of putting myself first. I thank you for being there for me when I needed you. There were plenty of times after you that I needed the love and support you provided, but thankfully I had someone else, and most importantly, I learned to turn to God more than ever.
I’ll always miss the way things used to be. You know better than anyone how much I hate change. I fear change and I’m slow to adjust to it. However, losing you taught me to accept change gracefully.
Losing any relationship is difficult. Whether you’re missing the memories you had with your ex-boyfriend ,your ex-best friend(s), or even family members, I hope that you can smile and know that there’s no such thing as a lesson you can’t learn from.
And lastly, in the wise words of Taylor Swift, “I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day. And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed…”. I hope that you think of me and wonder, as I have done, what would’ve happened if you hadn’t left.